I am getting real today because truth be told I have been struggling with something the last few months. Wether or not I get answers, affirmation or a burst of inspiration from this, I decided it needs to be out in the world. For me to call this my creative space, this is sure the hardest thing I have ever had to write on A Dash of Details. The thing is when I started this blog in December of 2010, I was sitting at my desk at my first real job bored out of my mind and realizing I was missing something in my life. I thought I was going to be doing creative things when I took my first post-college job, but instead I was writing copy for a PA announcer and shuffling 20-30 pound boxes around the office (sounds glamorous, right?). The funny thing is the minute I left there were over 500 people gunning for that same job. So here is a little back story:
I went to college with all intentions on becoming a doctor. After my second semester, I realized I didn’t know what the heck I was thinking and low and behold, I started to question everything. The life I thought I knew was crumbling all around me. It was not to say that I couldn’t have graduated at the top of my class, but I came to the realization didn’t want to be in school for 12 years and to start my life at 28 years old (sorry to all my doctor friends, it just wasn’t my thing). S0, here I was one year into my degree and I wanted to start over. At this moment, I realized I could do anything I wanted in this world. From one extreme to the next, I told my parents I wanted to become a graphic designer or interior designer and then a curator. With a little push from my dad, I settled somewhere in the middle, or what I thought was the middle. A double major: Business Marketing and Art History. For the next 3 years, I took business classes that I was never passionate about. I would memorize the material and move on, that is except for my art history courses. I would write 20 page essays on Jackson Pollock and not complain. While I wasn’t the one actually creating the art, I felt fulfilled when I would step into a museum or gallery and know the story behing the artist, the meaning of the piece and how I felt looking at it. But really, you are probably wondering why I have gone into this whole story about my college life. Well, this is the first time in my life I realized it was okay to question EVERYTHING.
Like I said before, I starting this blog in 2010 when I was sitting at my first job post college questioning how I got to where I was. When I starting A Dash of Details, I was 21 years old, living in my boyfriend’s parents basement and feeling like I could accomplish anything but nothing at the same time. In 2010, I decided to buy Adobe Design and teach myself Photoshop, Illustrator and InDesign. I watched too many tutorials to count, practice for hours on end, and over time I felt confident in my skills. Now looking back, my work was so amateur and if I am being completely candid- I still question if what I do will ever be good enough. I have built every A Dash of Details website (with a little help from friends). The first few generations of the site were a little rough around the edges, but as I got more confident, the site grew into what it is today.
So this is really what the post is about: Will I ever being good enough. And I guess the answer is, whatever I decide is good enough for myself. In a world filled with comparison and numbers, this blog has gone from a space to share my thoughts, loves and life to something I think I should be doing every day. I have been blogging for 5 years. Although 5 years doesn’t seem like a long time, it is in this world. When I starting it was well before it was popular to have a blog. I didn’t even tell my friends or family for the first few years (this was my first mistake). It was before Pinterest, Instagram or affiliate marketing, and really before people knew there was a real potential to create a career out of a passion. And since I am being honest, I have not been as successful as I would like in comparison to my fellow blogger friends. Most of the girls I connected with in the very early days of blogging have created successful brands for themselves, have started stores or published books and are still striving. I am so proud of these women for following their passions and working hard everyday to do something they love. So I guess for me, I am having a difficult time deciding where I went wrong or if I went wrong. My best friend and I were chatting yesterday and she brought up the quote, “Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle,” but I am having a hard time justifying this when we started at the same time. I look at myself from when I started to where I am now, and I am happy with my life. I have an amazing husband, great friends and family who would do anything for me, so the answer to my question, will I ever be good enough, I guess my answer is yes. My life is full and that is all that should matter.
A Dash of Details started as a place to share my life. So today, I sit here questioning everything again, just like I did 8 years ago. I can’t imagine my life without A Dash of Details, but I no longer want to compare my version of success with anyone else. While my growth may be slow (and sometimes it feels like a snails pace), it is still growing and always has been. So instead of looking at what my peers are doing, who they are working with, and always assuming that I missing the mark, I am going to keep creating and doing what I love to do. I want to work with brands that share my same passion, spend time creating content that is meaningful and beautiful, and making real connections with women that lift each other and help them grow because that is why I started A Dash of Details in the first place. While this blog will always be my second job (and I am envious of the women who have created successful careers from their passion), I will always be forever grateful that I was able to do this with my life. It has given me an outlet to be my complete self, where no one tells me what to do and when to do it. I would be lying if I didn’t say that my amazing readers who have stuck with me for the last five years wasn’t a huge reason I kept this blog going. The constant support I get from my husband, friends, family and readers allows me to feel like this space means something in this world. While, it may be an itsy, bitsy piece of the internet, it is all mine.
Thanks for reading!
xox- a dash of details